Post by Islamic Revival on May 9, 2004 17:28:50 GMT -5
"Why I Took The Hijab ......"
Hilary Saunders used to think that Islam was a relic from the dark
ages. Now she has converted. Here she explains why.........
Thursday June 20, 2002
The Guardian
The most significant thing I have ever done was in fact incredibly
simple. A little over four weeks ago, in front of two witnesses, I
recited a simple declaration, the shahada. "I bear witness that there
is no God but Allah and I bear witness that Mohammed is His
messenger," I said; and from that moment, I was a Muslim.
Until the very second that I made my declaration, I wasn't entirely
convinced that it was what I wanted to do. Would I wake up one day
and want to change my mind? Would I feel like I had made a huge
mistake? But already I feel as if my life has been transformed. I
don't know how to describe it, but the moment I said those words, my
heart filled with joy and love and it took about four days for me to
come back down off the ceiling. I would almost describe it as "coming
out", because a part of me that has been important, but always very
private, is now out in the open.
The ritual of my conversion may have taken only minutes, but it was
the culmination of a lifetime's quest. My parents are both agnostic -
they don't believe in God, and raised me and my two sisters without
any faith, so that we could make up our own minds when we were
adults. As a child, I suppose I wanted to please my father, and so
tried to mirror his views. But I have always been very conscious that
I was looking for something, and I could never quite put my finger on
what that was. In my darkest moments I have often felt like a ship
adrift at sea, not knowing where to dock.
When I was at college I started investigating faith: I got interested
in a philosophical system called the Work, which actually took a lot
from Islam, although I didn't know it at the time. I was also
investigating various new-age philosophies, practising Buddhist
meditation, and reading a lot of alternative self-help books.
I have had some problematic relationships with men in the past, and
after splitting up with one boyfriend I read Women Who Love Too Much,
by Robin Norwood. I had read it before and had always thought it was
for women who were overly attached to men who beat them up. But after
this reading I thought: I am one of these women, and I want to do
whatever the book suggests. It advised developing your spiritual
life, learning to be more self-centred, and perhaps getting
counselling. That was a significant turning point. I was also, at
that stage, practising reiki, which is similarly concerned with
channelling unconditional love. I was wrestling with the concept of
the divine, trying to find out where I belonged spiritually. I was
definitely a searcher.
And then, suddenly, I found myself going out with a Muslim guy. I
hadn't set out to date a Muslim - ironically, in fact, it was the
result of a drunken night out (I would describe him as a practising
Muslim, but one who made mistakes along the way!). At that stage I
was ignorant about Islam. I hadn't had any Muslim friends when I was
growing up, and I disagreeumptions about the faith were almost all
negative. I thought it old-fashioned, a relic from the dark ages, and
one that was oppressive and authoritarian with regard to women.
>My sense that the religion was anti-women was one of the major
sticking points. I wanted my partner to justify some of the doctrines
that I saw as particularly anti-feminist. I went through all the
usual western arguments, citing how the religion was about men
putting women down. How come Islam permitted men to have four wives?
If I'm honest, it was talking about faith that kept us together for
four years. He would try to answer my questions as best he could, and
refer me to the Koran and the examples from the life of the Prophet.
I started to read, and gradually my questions were answered, until I
realised that a lot of my preconceptions were basically wrong. In
knowing only a little - like the bare fact that a man can have four
wives - I had jumped to the wrong conclusion.
One of the things I came to realise was that, in Islam, multiple
marriages are not promoted, they are tolerated. Sometimes they are a
necessity. But there are safeguards: before a man can take a second
wife, the first wife has to agree to it and be happy, and both the
wives have to be treated equally. If a man is married and for some
reason his wife cannot conceive, he can take a second wife with her
agreement. (On the other hand, if a woman's husband is not able to
get her pregnant, then she can get a divorce.) This seems to me
better than the western way, in which he might get divorced, leaving
the first wife without any support. This doctrine is actually for the
protection of women. It is not about men going out collecting
trophies.
This was the kind of question I would raise, and on each I would get
to the point where I couldn't argue any more. Why did women need the
protection of men - why wasn't it possible for a woman to have
several partners? A woman could not have four husbands, I realised,
because it would be impossible to know who was the father of her
children, and the fathers might argue over who should support the
child. I realise that Islam made so much sense.
A couple of months ago, I split up with my partner, and went on
holiday to Jordan. It was there that I finally decided that I wanted
to convert. I can't put my finger on it exactly, but somehow the
penny dropped. It is such a beautiful, amazing place to be; just
watching how people interacted with each other, and the call to
prayer - it really moved me. So when I came back, I enrolled on a
three-day course at Central mosque in Regent's Park, north London. At
the end of the three days I decided it was the right time to make my
declaration.
I made a number of good friends on the course; indeed, most of the
Muslims I know well are converts. More people convert into Islam than
you might think - approximately 10,000 of Britain's 1.8m Muslims are
white or African-Caribbean converts.One of the problems for us is
that, since we haven't grown up in Muslim communities, forming
relationships can be difficult. In Islam you do not date - you don't
have boyfriends or girlfriends and move on after a few years.
Instead, someone from your extended family, who knows you from
childhood and who knows Joe Bloggs down the road from childhood, will
think: those two would really get on. They help you to find the right
person so that you can enjoy a happy marriage.
I can see that there are practical problems in how this might work
for me. But I am hugely excited about getting married and I believe
that I will find, inshallah, a nice husband. I have wrestled with the
idea of whether I could share my husband with another woman - I have
always thought that I was far too jealous and insecure to be able to
cope with that. But one day I woke up and it dawned on me: the women
who are in multiple marriages must feel so loved and cherished - by
their husbands, but also by God - to be able to cope. I am aware,
however, that it is possible that some marriages might be unhappy -
we are fallible human beings, after all.
Since my conversion, I have chosen to abide by the Islamic code of
dress and wear the hijab. The hijab is about modesty, not showing
off, not trying to attract the opposite sex, and avoiding causing
envy. Islam advises both sexes, not just women, to dress modestly.
I felt quite nervous about putting it on at first, wondering what
people would think. But then I told myself that I had made a
commitment and that this was the public sign of it. I feel a lot
safer now that I am wearing it; I have more self-respect. Now I know
where I belong.
Each moment, one after the other, each so unexpected in the future,
each so immediate in the present, each so unreal in the past, do not
forget, but remember, and when you forget, remember;
"Indeed Allah's guidance is the only guidance..."
Hilary Saunders used to think that Islam was a relic from the dark
ages. Now she has converted. Here she explains why.........
Thursday June 20, 2002
The Guardian
The most significant thing I have ever done was in fact incredibly
simple. A little over four weeks ago, in front of two witnesses, I
recited a simple declaration, the shahada. "I bear witness that there
is no God but Allah and I bear witness that Mohammed is His
messenger," I said; and from that moment, I was a Muslim.
Until the very second that I made my declaration, I wasn't entirely
convinced that it was what I wanted to do. Would I wake up one day
and want to change my mind? Would I feel like I had made a huge
mistake? But already I feel as if my life has been transformed. I
don't know how to describe it, but the moment I said those words, my
heart filled with joy and love and it took about four days for me to
come back down off the ceiling. I would almost describe it as "coming
out", because a part of me that has been important, but always very
private, is now out in the open.
The ritual of my conversion may have taken only minutes, but it was
the culmination of a lifetime's quest. My parents are both agnostic -
they don't believe in God, and raised me and my two sisters without
any faith, so that we could make up our own minds when we were
adults. As a child, I suppose I wanted to please my father, and so
tried to mirror his views. But I have always been very conscious that
I was looking for something, and I could never quite put my finger on
what that was. In my darkest moments I have often felt like a ship
adrift at sea, not knowing where to dock.
When I was at college I started investigating faith: I got interested
in a philosophical system called the Work, which actually took a lot
from Islam, although I didn't know it at the time. I was also
investigating various new-age philosophies, practising Buddhist
meditation, and reading a lot of alternative self-help books.
I have had some problematic relationships with men in the past, and
after splitting up with one boyfriend I read Women Who Love Too Much,
by Robin Norwood. I had read it before and had always thought it was
for women who were overly attached to men who beat them up. But after
this reading I thought: I am one of these women, and I want to do
whatever the book suggests. It advised developing your spiritual
life, learning to be more self-centred, and perhaps getting
counselling. That was a significant turning point. I was also, at
that stage, practising reiki, which is similarly concerned with
channelling unconditional love. I was wrestling with the concept of
the divine, trying to find out where I belonged spiritually. I was
definitely a searcher.
And then, suddenly, I found myself going out with a Muslim guy. I
hadn't set out to date a Muslim - ironically, in fact, it was the
result of a drunken night out (I would describe him as a practising
Muslim, but one who made mistakes along the way!). At that stage I
was ignorant about Islam. I hadn't had any Muslim friends when I was
growing up, and I disagreeumptions about the faith were almost all
negative. I thought it old-fashioned, a relic from the dark ages, and
one that was oppressive and authoritarian with regard to women.
>My sense that the religion was anti-women was one of the major
sticking points. I wanted my partner to justify some of the doctrines
that I saw as particularly anti-feminist. I went through all the
usual western arguments, citing how the religion was about men
putting women down. How come Islam permitted men to have four wives?
If I'm honest, it was talking about faith that kept us together for
four years. He would try to answer my questions as best he could, and
refer me to the Koran and the examples from the life of the Prophet.
I started to read, and gradually my questions were answered, until I
realised that a lot of my preconceptions were basically wrong. In
knowing only a little - like the bare fact that a man can have four
wives - I had jumped to the wrong conclusion.
One of the things I came to realise was that, in Islam, multiple
marriages are not promoted, they are tolerated. Sometimes they are a
necessity. But there are safeguards: before a man can take a second
wife, the first wife has to agree to it and be happy, and both the
wives have to be treated equally. If a man is married and for some
reason his wife cannot conceive, he can take a second wife with her
agreement. (On the other hand, if a woman's husband is not able to
get her pregnant, then she can get a divorce.) This seems to me
better than the western way, in which he might get divorced, leaving
the first wife without any support. This doctrine is actually for the
protection of women. It is not about men going out collecting
trophies.
This was the kind of question I would raise, and on each I would get
to the point where I couldn't argue any more. Why did women need the
protection of men - why wasn't it possible for a woman to have
several partners? A woman could not have four husbands, I realised,
because it would be impossible to know who was the father of her
children, and the fathers might argue over who should support the
child. I realise that Islam made so much sense.
A couple of months ago, I split up with my partner, and went on
holiday to Jordan. It was there that I finally decided that I wanted
to convert. I can't put my finger on it exactly, but somehow the
penny dropped. It is such a beautiful, amazing place to be; just
watching how people interacted with each other, and the call to
prayer - it really moved me. So when I came back, I enrolled on a
three-day course at Central mosque in Regent's Park, north London. At
the end of the three days I decided it was the right time to make my
declaration.
I made a number of good friends on the course; indeed, most of the
Muslims I know well are converts. More people convert into Islam than
you might think - approximately 10,000 of Britain's 1.8m Muslims are
white or African-Caribbean converts.One of the problems for us is
that, since we haven't grown up in Muslim communities, forming
relationships can be difficult. In Islam you do not date - you don't
have boyfriends or girlfriends and move on after a few years.
Instead, someone from your extended family, who knows you from
childhood and who knows Joe Bloggs down the road from childhood, will
think: those two would really get on. They help you to find the right
person so that you can enjoy a happy marriage.
I can see that there are practical problems in how this might work
for me. But I am hugely excited about getting married and I believe
that I will find, inshallah, a nice husband. I have wrestled with the
idea of whether I could share my husband with another woman - I have
always thought that I was far too jealous and insecure to be able to
cope with that. But one day I woke up and it dawned on me: the women
who are in multiple marriages must feel so loved and cherished - by
their husbands, but also by God - to be able to cope. I am aware,
however, that it is possible that some marriages might be unhappy -
we are fallible human beings, after all.
Since my conversion, I have chosen to abide by the Islamic code of
dress and wear the hijab. The hijab is about modesty, not showing
off, not trying to attract the opposite sex, and avoiding causing
envy. Islam advises both sexes, not just women, to dress modestly.
I felt quite nervous about putting it on at first, wondering what
people would think. But then I told myself that I had made a
commitment and that this was the public sign of it. I feel a lot
safer now that I am wearing it; I have more self-respect. Now I know
where I belong.
Each moment, one after the other, each so unexpected in the future,
each so immediate in the present, each so unreal in the past, do not
forget, but remember, and when you forget, remember;
"Indeed Allah's guidance is the only guidance..."