Married Life in Islam

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Married Life in Islam
uploaded 09 Oct 2000

A wife is not a partner of her husband in life rather she is his companion. Their living together is not based on partnership and they are not forced to live it all their lives. Rather, their living together is based on companionship and they become complete companions of each other in all respects. Companionship is where one finds repose and tranquillity in the other, Allah has made this marriage a source of tranquillity for both spouses. He (swt) said:

“It is He Who has created you from a single person, and He has created from him his wife, in order that he might enjoy the pleasure of living with her". [Al- Araf: 189]

And He (swt) said:

"And among His Signs is this, that He created for you wives from among yourselves, that you may find repose in them, and He has put between both of you affection and mercy". [Ar- Rum: 21].

The dwelling is the tranquillity i.e. so that the husband finds peace and tranquillity in his wife and his wife finds peace and tranquillity in him and that each one inclines to the other rather than shuns each other. So the basis of Marriage is tranquillity and the basis of marital life is tranquillity and peace of mind. In order that this relationship between the spouses becomes one full of comfort and tranquillity, the Shari’ah has clarified the rights of the wife over the husband and the rights of the husband over the wife. Verses and Ahadith have come clearly to explain these issues. Allah (swt) said:

"And they (women) have rights (over their husbands) similar (to those of their husbands) over them, in reasonable terms". [Al- Baqarah: 228]

i.e. women have the same marital rights over the men as the rights men have over them. That is why Ibn ‘Abbas said: ‘Indeed I spruce myself up for my wife and she adorns herself for me, and I love that I should redeem all the rights I have over my wife, so that she should redeem all the rights she has over me, because Allah (swt) said:

"And they (women) have rights (over their husbands) similar (to those of their husbands) over them, in reasonable terms’’ [Al- Baqarah: 228]

i.e. the charms in which there is no sin. Also it is reported from him that he said: ‘They (women) have the right of good companionship and intimacy similar to the rights of obedience obliged over them towards their husbands’

Allah (swt) has ordered that there should be a good marital relationship between spouses. He (swt) said:

"And live with them honourably" [An- Nisa: 19]

And He said:

"so retain her (to you) honourably" [Al- Baqarah: 229].

Companionship is both intimacy and mixing, meaning to live together. Thus, Allah (swt) has ordered men to have good relations with their wives, so that intimacy and intermixing between them grows to perfection. This results in tranquillity and comfort in life. The relationship between men and women is more than just fulfilling her right by paying her Mahr and maintenance. Rather he must not frown at her for no reason, and he must be cheerful when speaking to her and not rude, harsh or displaying any inclination to other than her.

Also the Messenger has ordered men to treat their women well. It has been reported by Muslim in his Sahih on the authority of Jabir that the Messenger of Allah said in his speech at the Hijjat-ul-wida’ (farewell Hajj):

"Fear Allah concerning women! Verily, you have taken them on the security of Allah, and intercourse with them has been made lawful unto you by the word of Allah. You too have rights over them, they should not allow anyone to sit on your bed whom you do not like. But if they do that you can chastise them but not severely. Their rights upon you are that you should provide them with food and clothing in a fitting manner".
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And it has been narrated from the Prophet that he said:

"The best amongst you is the one who is best to his wives and I am the best of you to my wives".

And it has been narrated from him that he had a close relationship with his wives, he would play with them, be mild-mannered toward them and to have fun with them to the extent that he used to race with ‘A’isha (ra), the mother of the believers, and with that win her love. She said:

"Allah’s Messenger raced me and I beat him, that was before I gained weight. Later I raced him when I had put on some weight, so he beat me and said: "This was (in return) for that (time when you had beaten me)".
The Prophet after praying ‘Isha would spend a short part of the evening chatting with his wives before sleeping thereby creating a friendly atmosphere. Ibn Maja reported that the Prophet said: "The best amongst you are the ones who are best to their wives".

All of this indicates that husbands should have good relations with their wives. Since things may happen in married life that may disturb the order, Allah has granted the leadership of the home to the husband over the wife, i.e. he has been made a guardian over her. He (swt) said:

"Men are the protectors and guardians over women". [An- Nisa: 34].

And He (swt) said:

"And they (women) have rights (over their husbands) similar (to those of their husbands) over them in a fitting manner, but men have a degree (of responsibility) over them". [Al- Baqarah: 228]

He (swt) also ordered the woman to obey her husband. He said:

"If a woman spends the night away from her husband’s bed then the Angels curse her until she returns".

And He said to a woman: Do you have a husband ?" She replied: "Yes." He said: "Then he is your Paradise (Jannah) and Hellfire (Nar)".

Bukhari reported that the Prophet said:

"It is not allowed for a woman to fast without the permission of her husband whilst he is present, nor admit someone to his house without his permission, and whatever she spends of his wealth (on charitable purposes) without his permission, half the reward will go to him".

Ibn Batta has reported in his Ahkam an-Nisa (The book of rules pertaining to women) on the authority of Anas that a man had gone on a journey and forbade his wife from going out. Her father became ill so she asked permission from Allah’s Messenger to visit her father. The Messenger of Allah said: "Fear Allah and do not disobey your husband". Her father then died. So she asked permission from Allah’s Messenger to attend his Janaza (funeral prayer). He told her: "Fear Allah and do not disobey your husband". So Allah revealed to the Prophet : "I have forgiven her sins due to her obedience to her husband". (Hadith Qudsi)

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The Shar’a has given the man the right to prevent his wife from leaving the house whether she wishes to call on or visit her parents or for a thing she needs or just for recreation. It is not therefore allowed for her to go out without his permission. However, the husband should not prevent his wife to call on and visit her parents because that will create a rift between them and lead his wife to disobey him. Allah (swt) has ordered them to live together honourably. Preventing her from visiting her parents is not living honourably. Nor should the husband prevent her from going to the Mosque, Since it has been narrated about the Prophet that he said:

"Do not prevent slave girls of Allah (women) from going to the Masajid of Allah".

If the wife rebels against her husband, Allah has given him the right to discipline his wife. He (swt) said:

"As to those women on whose part you see ill-conduct, admonish them (first), (next), disengage from them in beds, (and last) beat them (lightly), but if they return to obedience, seek not against them means (of annoyance)" [An- Nisa: 34]

The beating mentioned here should be light i.e. not severe. As the Messenger explained in the farewell Hajj when he said:

"But if they do then you can chastise them but not severely".

The husband has been given the authority to punish his wife if she does wrong because he is the guardian in running and looking after the affairs of the house. In anything other than what Allah (swt) has ordered her to undertake, the husband is absolutely not allowed to harass her with it. He (swt) said:

"But if they return to obedience, seek not against them means (of annoyance)". [An- Nisa: 34]

Rather he should be a friend to her, and kind when he requests something of her, to the extent if he desires her he should choose the best situation and condition suitable for her. He said:

"Do not approach wives at night until the one with dishevelled hair has it combed and the one whose husband has been away has cleaned her private parts (of hair)".

Guardianship of the husband over the wife and his leadership of the house does not mean being domineering in it or being its ruler such that no issue is opposed. Rather the leadership of the husband over the house is the looking after its affairs and administering them and there is no domination or commanding in it. Therefore, the woman has the right to oppose whatever her husband may say and debate with him over it and criticise what he says because they are companions and not the commander and commanded, or the ruler and the ruled. On the contrary they are two companions, one of whom possesses leadership in terms of running the house and looking after the affairs of this house. In his house, the Messenger of Allah , was likewise a companion to his wives, not a domineering ruler over them, in spite of his being the leader of a state and in spite of being a Prophet. ‘Umar b. al-Khattab said in a hadith reported by him:

"By Allah, during the days of Ignorance we ignored women until Allah the Exalted revealed about them what He has revealed, and gave them a share".

He said:

"It so happened that I was thinking about some matter when my wife said: ‘I wish that you had done so and so’. I said to her: "It does not concern you, and you should not interfere in what I intend to do". She said to me: ‘How strange is it that you, son of Khattab, do not like anyone to answer you back, whereas your daughter answers back Allah’s Messenger until he spends the day in vexation’. Umar said: "I took hold of my cloak, then came out of my house until I visited Hafsa and said to her: Oh daughter, (I heard) that you answer back to Allah’s Messenger until he spends the day in vexation". Hafsa said: ‘By Allah, we do answer him back’. I said: "be careful, my daughter, I warn you against the punishment of Allah and the wrath of His Messenger . You may not be misled by one whose beauty has fascinated her, and the love of Allah’s Messenger for her (meaning A’isha).I (‘Umar) then visited Umm Salama because of my relationship with her and I talked to her. Umm Salama said to me: ‘Umar b. al-Khattab, how strange it is that you interfere in every matter to the extent that you intend to interfere between Allah’s Messenger and his wives’. This perturbed me so much that I refrained from saying what I had to say, so I came out of her apartment".

Muslim narrates in his Sahih that Abu Bakr came and sought permission to see Allah’s Messenger . It was granted to Abu Bakr and he entered. Then came Umar and he sought permission and it was granted to him and he found Allah’s Messenger sitting sad and silent with his wives around him. He (Umar) said: "I wanted to say something which would make the Holy Prophet laugh, so I said: Oh Messenger of Allah, I wish you had seen the daughter of Kharijah when she asked me for maintenance (Nafaqah)”, and I got up and slapped her on her neck. The Messenger of Allah laughed and said: "They are around me as you see, asking for maintenance (Nafaqah)" From this it becomes clear that the meaning of the man’s guardianship over the woman is that the command should rest with him, but it should be a command borne out of companionship and not domination and control. Thus she can answer back to him and discuss with him.

This is from the angle of companionship. As for the aspect of performing household functions, it is obligatory on the wife to serve her husband by making the dough, baking and cooking and by dusting and cleaning the house. She must also give him water when he requests a drink and provide him with food to eat and undertake the service of all that is necessary in the house. This applies to whatever is required in all affairs of the home without restriction. With regard to the husband he must bring her what she needs from what is outside the home e.g. bringing the water, and whatever is necessary to remove dirt, clip nails and the means to adorn herself for him with that which is fitting for her.

In summation, any work that needs to be carried out inside the house the woman must undertake, whatever the type of work. Any work that needs to be carried out outside the house the man must undertake. This is due to what has been narrated from the Prophet in the story of ‘Ali and Fatimah (may Allah be pleased with them): He imposed on his daughter Fatimah the duty of working in the house and imposed on ‘Ali whatever was outside the house in terms of work. Allah’s Messenger used to order his wives to serve him. He said:

"Oh ‘A’isha, bring us some water. Oh ‘A’isha bring us food to eat. Oh ‘A’isha bring me the razor and sharpen it against a stone".

It has been reported that Fatimah came to the Prophet complaining to him about her difficulty in working a handmill, and she asked if she could get a servant to save her from that. All of this indicates that serving the husband in the house and looking after the house is one of the obligations of the wife which must be undertaken by her. However, the performance of such work is subject to her ability. If there is a lot of work to be done which would put her in hardship, then it is incumbent on the husband to provide her a servant that will enable the work to get done, and she has the right to demand this. However, if the work is not overwhelming and she is capable of doing it, then the husband is not obliged to provide a servant. In this case she is required to undertake the work by herself as evidenced by what the Messenger of Allah imposed on his daughter Fatimah in tending to the house.
Hence the husband is obliged to deal with his wife in a fitting manner, and the wife is under an obligation to perform all her duties, in the same way, as it is required of the husband. Such that marital life be one of tranquillity in which the saying of Allah (swt) is realised:

"And among His Signs is this, that He created for you wives from among yourselves, that you may find repose in them, and He has made between you affection and mercy" [Ar- Rum: 21]


Source: Taquiuddin an-Nabhani

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jazaka Allah khayr and thank you for the editing on this post Islaamic revival. It looks so much better.

was-salaam